Day 30

You know what I hate most?? Knowing the people who you care for are feeling hurt and troubled. Yet, you can’t do anything about it. I wish I could help… but what can I do?? You’re so far away from me..

"I'll always be your support. All you need is to ask.."

Day 26

I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately… I told myself to cheer up but it’s true..no one can be happy everyday. Suddenly seeing back into my past.. I realized I neglected alot of things.. Opportunities to meet new people and correcting my wrongs into rights. Either I’m too weak or I’m just waiting.. waiting for the right moment to approach.. But.. all my waitings have got me thru this far – still not correcting anything. What happened to me.. Is this part of growing up?? Must I really lose the people I care for?? It’s been great but why can’t I just stand up and tell you that I still want to be friends?? Why can’t I tell you how I feel; instead.. I stood at a corner thinking what I ’should’ have done earlier. Now.. it’s all too late.. You’re gone.. forever and all I can do is regret.

I don’t understand anything about human emotions and thoughts. I don’t understand how the world revolve. I don’t understand why we are what we are. Maybe I’m not making much sense.. I want to go back.. Back to when I can start my life anew and undid all my wrongs.

It’s been a while since I last talk to my friends who left for the UK and study. I wonder how they’re doing. You guys ok?? Everyone is so busy nowadays. Too busy to even sit down on a bench and look at our surroundings. Is this how we should live??

Give it a thought:

“I lied to you because I don’t want to hurt and worry you as you’re the one I care for the most. But, will you still believe me after you know what I’ve done??”

Day 22

It’s been a while since school reopens. Let me think.. today counts the 4th day and well.. school’s ok.. I’ve been trying to not sleep in any classes but guess I’m just too tired from yesterday. I actually slept in my 8am class just now.. but.. only a while. I’m a good girl one you know?? Hehe… Ah.. Now I’m in school using the computer to print my notes.. STUPID PRINTER!!!! BROKE DOWN!!! Especially when I need it the most at this period.. Feel super tired. I want to go home!!!! Another lesson at 2 to 5. Sianz…..

~Sleppy~

P.S. Mable’s coming!!!! SO HAPPY!!!

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Day 14

It seems like my new entries are written every week doesn’t it?? Well, that wasn’t my plan in the first place tho. 2 weeks have passed.. So, here I am. Still in my joyful mood. However.. unlike the other day.. I just have this very weird feeling inside of me.. I don’t understand why but there is this empty feeling like I just got something ripped out of me. Hmm.. maybe I shouldn’t give too much thought into it. It will just make my head spin. Hehe… Oh well… school’s starting next week. I just want to get it over and done with. I know poly is supposedly the best time for me.. but.. I just cannot understand all the ‘politics’ that have been happening so far. It seems never ending especially when you think that it’s the end.

I’ve been thinking to myself lately… will I be ok?? Alot of things had happened with my personal life.. I’ve been thinking..

P.S. Outing with my singapore daddy and grandpa on Friday.. Can’t wait!!! Hehee…

Day 7

It’s already the 7th day.. well..I’ve been really busy these few days… have been doing my FYP. Tomorrow.. something special is going to happen..Hm.. not exactly special but I’ll be going to a mushroom farm.. yeaps.. that’s right.. MUSHROOM!! haha.. and next to it is the animal resort. Can’t wait.. Ah.. so tiring… have to return to school everyday.. NVM… 5 more months before I graduate.. It’s going to be fast.. I just know it. Just hope everything can go smoothly.. JIA YOU!!!

P.S. Daddy… I know you’re very stress right now.. I am too.. But you cannot give up oh??? Remember.. I’m here for you if you need k?? Let’s Jia You together yea?? Then when I go aus… we can go on a drive holiday….!!!! Look forward to that oh… And, almost forget… I drive ah…  (You have insurance right?? )

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Music…. what is it that makes everyone so crazy about? What is it that affects people’s emotions so much; even to the extend of allowing someone to express their inner most feelings? It’s hard to say really but it does help me sometimes.. especially during my saddest and angriest moment. I guess it’s the melody and the memories it brings along when you listen to the words of the songs. Just now in the lab.. I was resting with my earphones on. Then suddenly.. I hear this song.. not sure who sang it.. but it was a slow song. Makes me remember my times in Brunei and the great moments I once had with my friends. At that moment… I wish I can turn back time and enjoyed it once more.. But.. it’s impossible. Nevertheless.. I still enjoy every moment of it.. Both the good times and the bad times.

Now.. everyone is just all around the world, living their own lives. So am I…

"Is it possible to return to those moments again??"

Day 2

Nothing much actually happened today..I’m still in my happy mood and hopes that it continues. Hmm.. wonder how everyone else is doing??

"Jia yoU EVeryOne!!!"

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edited

Lately I’ve been busy with my FYP. Sorry to all my friends if I don’t contact you guys like how I used to.. When I free ok?? Or you guys can leave me a message yea??? hehehe..

Oct 3 – HappY birthday Li Jia!!

Day 1

Today is the starting of my new start. Before that, I would like to wish my friends, Cheryl and Yi Jun a very very HappY BirthDay!!!! May all your dreams and wishes come true.. Always remember to stay happy always ok???

Jin Shan just left Singapore yesterday.. He came here for transit and went off to Melbourne. Well.. I’ll miss him tho.. hehehe…. ok…. to my new life..

AIM:

Everyday will be a new and happy day where I will live each day to the fullest with a smile on my face.

So, let’s begin the journey!!!

A New Start

I once read before from somewhere.. If you want to have a fresh start, first.. you need to have the courage to face your past and look into the future. I may not have all the courage but I’m willing to give myself a try. I conquered one of my fears today. I finally manage to accept the fact that you’re gone.. I always used to cry whenever I hear this song.. but today… I listened to the entire song without shedding a tear. Thank you for accompanying me all these time. I think it’s time for both of us to start anew. Nevertheless… I’ll never forget you and the times we spent. If you ever think of me.. I just want you to know.. I’m happy here and I hope you are too.

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Goodbye but never farewell

Goodbye but we’ll see each other again!!

It’s been very tiring lately.. I’m back in Brunei but most of my friends have left to the UK to further their studies..I’m not saying it’s a bad thing but I guess.. I just miss them so much.

I did promise myself that I won’t cry but I don’t think I am as strong as I think I am. Brunei won’t be the same without them.. and well.. I’m not the one to judge since I left here first. I’ll be back in Singapore on the 27th Sept. Fast right?? I’ve been here for 2 weeks and I enjoyed every single moment of it.. especially when I get to spend my time with my dear ones and my family.

How’s everyone in UK and in Singapore?? I hope you guys are doing well.. Just wanted to say.. take good care of yourselves ok?? We might be far apart.. but we’ll always have a chance in the future to see each other as long as we don’t forget each other.

"I wish I didn't have to let you go"

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edited

Hmm.. I found out something today.. Something that I thought I always knew. I’m standing on a rock balancing with a pole in my hands. I don’t know whether the direction I’m looking into is right or not but all I can do now is make sure I don’t fall.  I guess that’s the same with the relationship I’m in right now… Maybe I’m just not ready.. maybe I’m just to immature.. maybe.. just maybe.. I don’t understand the basics of a relationship. I’m feeling a strong wind blowing towards me.. So, if I fall..what will happen to me?? Will I withstand the pain and get back up or will I be in so much pain that I end there??

I had a rough start, happy in between but everything seems to end up in depression and anger.. Is this how it’s suppose to be? Did I make a right choice?? Or.. is this another lesson for me to learn??

"An answer??? Anyone??"