Sometimes

Sometimes it just feels like you only look for me when you need me and other times when you’re occupied, it feels as if I’m non-existence. Somehow, I just thought I was more important to you.

I’m glad

Finally something uplifting. Things end up well. I guess all I need was just to talk it out. Sometimes, the most easiest things always seem the hardest but the rewards are forever well, rewarding.

Nevertheless, I still have to find a way to tackle my gastric problem. It’s getting worse and even now, even the most little things that I ate, seems to make my stomach uncomfortable. I’ll get it healed. Don’t worry.

It’s been long

It has been long since I last did an entry here and I’m sorry that the new one sounds upsetting. A lot of things happened lately and I don’t know if everything is going to be ok.

I hate being like this. I can’t eat and sleep properly. Think I’m having my gastric problem again. Nvm, It’s all my fault anyway. If only there is a sign asking me to move on and don’t give up.

Strange

I’ve been feeling very weird lately, I felt numb at times but I somehow, I can also felt the strong beats of my heart with it. It’s like I’m losing myself but there is still something that is pushing me forward. I wonder what that could be. Could it be my passion to follow my dreams or maybe it’s just the people who I never want to lose?

I failed more than once. Not only in studying vet but also in losing the people who I cared for. I really hope this is just a trial for me to be stronger.

Some time ago I wrote this down, unsure of what I should do with it so I thought that I can just put it here. Might be emo but well,

‘I stared at the mirror, thinking if the other person who I saw is an imitation of someone else or is it my true self? I wondered countless time but still couldn’t find an answer. Does imitating someone else means you’re a fake? Maybe.. but in reality, everyone’s character will always have a small part that is mirrored whether they realized it or not.’

 

The feeling of pain

What did I do wrong, why does history have to repeat itself?? Am i really not worth given a second chance or was I given but I just never knew and appreciate it?

I’m in so much pain now, crying for an answer. Maybe if I just quietly leave, I won’t even be missed.

M.I.A

Hmm… good news!! I FINALLY got confirmation that I’ve got a placement in Massey University!!!! One step closer to my goal.. now.. I’m busy preparing for my visa application and police clearance. Hopefully I can get it all done by the end of the month… Another piece of news which I’m sure some might be surprised is I’m now a part-time tuition teacher…

Yes.. you heard and read right.. I’m really super stress now.. Well.. today’s my first day but I already feel like giving up. It’s not the teaching part that I’m having problem with.. but is the whole ‘reading up your secondary school matters’ thing. Now, trying to recall and reading back the books that I once studied before somehow seem so foreign. Maybe because it’s too too long since I touched those books but seriously.. having difficulty in recalling and hoping that the kids don’t think that I’m a fool is seriously making my brain ache, not to mention the lack of sleep thanks to the tons of coursework I need to check and mark.. Haha… I know.. I know.. It seems like I’ve been complaining the whole time which is true…

Oh, this makes me super super duper happy……… I’m officially and medically examined to be 160cm!!!! Hahahaha.. my dream came true… altho it is just 2cm taller than 3 years ago but I GREW!!!

*Ahem* To those ppl who keep saying I won’t grow – IN YOUR FACE!! I GREW!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHA……….

Basically.. these are the things that I’m super tight-packed with. Well.. gonna get back to marking.. Take care.. xoxo

"...Hold on tight only if you have the confidence"

Misguided

Just a quick update on myself:

1) I manage to finish my list of tasks I wanted to do.. except getting a job at the Polo Club.. still waiting…

2) Most of my time is spent staying at home, run errands, sleep and eat. Kinda boring for a lifestyle right?? Well, at least I do exercise 🙂

3) No pool Xing Xing… No time and no one to play with. Haha..

4) Lots of free time to catch up in drama shows: Canto, Korean, English, Taiwan.

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Now, on to my main focus of the day…At night I sit awake in my room thinking of what to write in this blog, thinking of how I can write each moment of my life as real as possible. It’s been a while. Yes, a very long while. During those times when I’m not writing on the blog, I’m writing in my head.. till I can’t really sleep at night. It’s 1.27am now. Finally, I decided to jot down all those thoughts into words.

Feelings and thoughts, to me.. are both very similar. People used to say, how you think will affect how you feel and subsequently, how you act. I believe those words are very true. Want to know what I’ve been thinking lately?? Just as how the subject of this post is.. misguided.

I don’t know why but when you’re here.. in the same place as me.. I feel as if something’s incomplete.. I wanted to end it so I can feel something new again but I never did have the courage to go for it. Admiration leads to obsession and in the end, destruction. This is something I must learn to control. I think my readers must be confused at what I’m saying right? Well.. not only you guys, me too.. Sometimes, I have no idea what I’m talking about.. just crap and more crap.

I’ve been very tired lately, mainly due to the late night sleep and inability to sleep.. Soon.. maybe I can end it soon..

Recently, I’ve watched a show, and this quote caught my attention:

‘All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.’ (Quote by William Shakespeare)

Day 226

Before I start off .. let me congrats all those graduating today.. including MYSELF!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

It’s super fast… I finally officially graduated… OFFICIALLY GRADUATED!!!! Yes yes.. I know I don’t have to go back school or stuck my head in books after my exams which happens since the past 2 months but now… I can shout to the world that I have graduated….. haha.. ok.. It may not be a big deal.. but my 3 years in Singapore wasn’t an easy journey you know!!! Haha.. Lots of sadness, stress, fun and definitely laughter. Really miss those times but if I get a chance to relive it again.. I think I’ll save it for others. Hehe..

Oh, I was checking out my mail and I happen to come across this interesting article.. Take a look when you’re free k?? ENJOY!!

If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:

– When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

– Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

– Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

– When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.

– Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

– Take naps.

– Stretch before rising.

– Run, romp, and play daily.

– Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

– Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

– On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

– On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

– When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

– No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout..! run right back and make friends.

– Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

– Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

– Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you’re not.

– If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

– When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Day 221

Knowing what came out of my mind, something I can never interpret into words. I tried to but never succeeded. That is the whole point of thoughts. Thoughts can mean a lot of things: recollection, idea, judgment and so forth but the one thing in common is that all these came from one source and that is our brain.

Everyone is given a brain but we’re gifted with different thoughts. No one is exactly alike, not even twins.

“If I give myself one more chance to be with you again,

If I open my heart once more knowing that I’m gonna get hurt again,

Will I really get my happy ever after?”

At times when I’m alone and have no one to talk to, I’ll think to myself what do I really want in life? Am I doing the right thing being here right now? It’s never easy answering the questions you thought about. So, instead, you just write it out or just forget about it. I forgot a lot of things. Well.. I never have a good memory to begin with anyway. I’m not saying I’m proud of myself bring so forgetful especially when I forgot about the little things that are so important and only realizing it when asked by someone else.

I'm sorry.. please forgive me??

Day 218

Before I start off, I just want to thank all those who wished me Happy Birthday. Thanks so much for your wishes. I really appreciate it a lot.

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I saw you by the hallway,

looking at your fav. book.

How long has it been?

I wanted to say hi, hello,

but I dare not.

The thing I’m most happy about,

is knowing that you’re living,

with all the happiness that I once failed to give.

Just something random to distract myself. I’m so troubled now. I want to stick my head in the ground and never come out. Hmm.. now I sound like an ostrich.. haha.. Alright.. better sober up and think thru my decisions!!

~ AUS or NZ??~